My name is Nihar Laljnai and I am new to the foundation. I am from Mumbai and currently staying here. I have a knack for writing (especially stories) and am trying to do so to bring food on the table as well. I will turn 23 this year.

A bit about my past -

Ever since I remember, I have been looking for a way to know the divine and to probe into the secrets of the universe. Back when I had no clue about high spirituality, I would look for divine presence in temples and even churches in our Holy books, as well as the Bible. I fell in love with the story of Christ and even thought of myself as a Christian when I was around 16. My futile search (but not so, since it did finally lead me to here) finally led me to downwards. I thought there might really be no purpose behind life, a game of chance and us as a blip of fake light. It really led me to quite a nihilistic perspective of life. I started drinking and smoking. But I guess the Lord was always looking out for me because I was gradually being exposed to a lot of metaphysical stuff. I read many Western authors like Neville Goddard, books lile The Law of One would keep me company. I even tried some methods out and they seemed to work. But I still couldn't find a purpose behind it until a lecture by Swami Sarvapriyananda ji on the Mandukya Upanishad graced my computer screen all of a sudden (I was not yet aware of such sophisticated teachings of the Indian culture). That has been one of the biggest turning point in my life. Something changed within me that cannot be unchanged. Everything clicked in that moment. I have been trying my best to look for my path. I tried the Advaitic transcendental point of view which asked me to grow a distaste for the world, which made sense to me, but as I continued on it, I became passive and lazy. I didn't really want to do much. My tendencies to philosophize, conceptualize were taking benefit of this POV and running wild. I, being in my 20s, knowing I have to provide for my parents and have to help them comfortably retire without worries, having some dreams of my own, felt uneasy to even want materialistic happiness.

I don't know if this will be the end of my search (I sure wish so) but I feel like it is becaue of these reasons -

I have a strong imagination, I want a system to make sense when I am trying to solve a problem with it, and not just constantly run to the Guru for advice and a system that acknowledges the need for material transformation and freedom before spiritual freedom and gives powerful methods to attain it.

I still drink and smoke but I am trying my best to leave these behind. They have got to the point where I feel no enjoyment in doing them but am forced by the habit, a flow of energy that has become normalised. But I am sure, continuing on this path, these things are bound to drop off, in fact I already feel like they are.

I found Vimarsha foundation through the debate between Acharyaji and Swamiji but had no clue that they provided Sri Vidya initiations. Once I knew, I had to give this a shot. So here's one!